After watching “vegucated” last night I’m literally disgusted with the meat industry. I want to try it out tho before I commit because I want to be sure that I can support a high calorie diet without animal products still.
So-I have an entire bag of chicken, 4 packets of tuna, and a bag of shrimp at my place currently and I refuse to throw them out and not at least use the meat so I am going to finish the meat I have and then start my month of veganism!
I’m really excited about this and I hope that I can support weight gain (I only have about 3 pounds to gain) though without animal products! If anyone wants to recommend recipes or blogs to read on the subject id love to see them! I’m just interested in the nutritional aspects right now because I’m 100% sold based on ethics, my only concern is getting enough calories/protein without it!
Also, if anyone wants to try this with me that’d be really cool! I’m going to track what I eat/how I feel and see how it works out to make my decision at the end of the month about what I want to do!
I got an Easter basket full of milk chocolate today. Like why…you know I can’t/don’t eat milk chocolate. I’m just sick of noone in this family giving a shit about who I am.
I love Easter and all that it is about but I hate having it to spend it here…
I applied to volunteer at the cancer center today! Hopefully they will call me back to start over the summer but the woman said that a bunch of highschool students are coming in over the summer so they might not need me BUT since I am not pre-med (and most people volunteering are or plan on being) I will have a better chance to get in because ill be volunteering in the speech language pathology unit rather than the more medical units! Woo!
Also, I just really want to workout so bad ugh I’m craving it but my meds like say I could get tendinitis (it’s rare but I have awful luck lol) if I work out while on them. Meh. Maybe ill just do some yoga…
Oh and Vince and I didn’t go to the movies cuz we were both really tired and we had planned on seeing a midnight movie so we just hung out and had dinner together and that was nice :) we might see a movie tonight but he might be going home too so idk lol.
Oh and I’m volunteering tomorrow at this thing called youth day and it’s like a fun day for kids with speech impediments and stuttering! So that’ll be really fun minus the fact that it’s from 7am-3pm -_-
I think that’s it.
Vince is taking me to a movie tonight
Two weeks ago I got dumped by the love of my life, then I got pink eye EXACTLY a week later, and now EXACTLY a week later I have a UTI.
Can the universe please stop fucking with me now….?
I’m considering deleting my tumblr but idk yet so I’m gunna keep it for a bit until I decide but I probably won’t be posting as much. Idk this breakup has made me kind of realize how badly I need to get back out into the real world??
Anyways-I made a new instagram! It’s @cbstewartt so you can follow me if you wish :)
OK sorry I’ve been like the most depressing person on the planet lately…If you didn’t already know how much I love Vince, then I guess you do now lol…ok well I am doing a little better, AKA I’ve been only crying once or twice a day the past few days. I went to the beach with my roommate and some friends from highschool (I’ve been at home since it is spring break) and got drunk on Saturday lol so that was nice and I ate the most food I had since the breakup that day thank god- I had some calamari, french fries, and a chicken sandwich. So that mixed with the beer I drank and breakfast probably helped me get the calories I needed. I also smoked a little which I know is bad but it really calmed me down and it ended up helping me sleep that night so ya. Sunday I went to my dads and went to church and then went on a walk with him and then went to visit my kitty because my step mom won’t let me keep her here this week (bitch). I cried some more but I talked to Vince’s mom a lot that day (and I have been a lot everyday really) and she helped me so much. All of his friends went back to school yesterday so now I know he is just at home studying and stuff and it is easing my wandering mind. Yesterday I was supposed to work from 645-130 but I ended up staying until 3 because we were short staffed and then I went too my place and hung out with Hailey for a bit until I got all worked up over Vince and came back to my dads house where I realized I didn’t want to be and went to bed and watched tv until I fell asleep. Vince and I talked a little yesterday for the first time since Tuesday when it happened. He said that he missed me and that he hadn’t talked to me because he didn’t know how and it was hard for him, too. We had a little ~drama~ happen in the convo which explains the dramatic post I had yesterday but then he text me later and we just talked about school. Idk if this is good for the long run, but talking to him last night helped me sleep and right now I have to live in the present and do what helps me at the time. Today I woke up at 515 for work (I’m at home so my job is an hour away so I have to leave at like 545 to get there on time) and low and behold, I’m super sick! YAY I have a runny nose, pink eye (again), and a sore throat. So I had to call in and tell my boss I couldn’t come which sucks because she is already struggling to staff this week and I felt so awful. I went to the doctor and got eye drops though so I can probably go back to work tomorrow and Thursday. I’m just trying to stay distracted but I guess today I can’t lol. Netflix+some school work will have to suffice. I’ve been watching Drop Dead Diva lol and for anyone who wants a cute distracting show, I suggest it :)
I am okay though. I will never harm myself I promise. I am deeply depressed but I am not suicidal so don’t worry about that. I haven’t been eating very well, though, due to my anxiety but my dad bought me those Boost drinks and some clif bars and chobani bites (the coffee and chocolate flavor!) and some cinnamon raisin pb lol so hopefully today I will eat enough! I really really want to because I’ve already lost weight and it’s kind of noticeable (but maybe thats just me).
Ok but ya that’s my life. I am ok I promise. I’m just really sad and hurting a lot more than I really ever thought I would. Each day makes me miss him more but it also makes me cry a little less so idk.
Oh and my therapist has been blowing up my phone trying to get me to make an appointment lol woops.
I think I’m having a heart attack. I hurt all over and the pain is coming straight from my heart
I got my period back after almost 2 years!!!! Omg I’m jumping with joy I love my body and I can have babies one day!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t ever give up on recovery guys!!!!
I’m excited to see my mom and my dogs and stepdad and my dad and sisters!
I want to dye my hair so I may so that tonight/tomorrow and I’m going to try and get a bunch of hw done/start studying so I don’t have to stress in a few weeks when tests come!
I’m also bringing some food home but I’m gunna stop and buy a bunch of Lara bars and some coconut milk ice cream to be sure my intake stays where it needs to be! And my yoga mat because doing a little bit of yoga everyday has been lifting my mood significantly!
I’m just in a happy mood today! I had a wonderful day on my own yesterday and night with Vince :) I’m just floating right now and it’s a great time to go see my family as I’m generally pissed off when I go home lol.
I just hate leaving my kitty all alone :( I’m gunna buy her some fancy feast for tonight to make her a little happier :)Oh! And this means ill be on tumblr a bunch tonight most likely so ill get to all of my messages and feel free to send some more!!!
(aka over 2 years) and I LOVE MY BODY RIGHT NOW.
Dancing around in my underwear because I’m hott and I know I can do thisssssssss :)
I cannot isolate myself anymore. I cannot rely on my boyfriend to be my only friend. I need to put myself out there. I cannot live like this anymore.
- Today is Vincent’s birthday!!! Except I don’t get to spend it with him because he works 9-5 and then has class from 6-9 hah
- We are going out to eat tonight though at like 9 at this Japanese place where they cook in front of you and omg it’s so scary to eat there cuz I have to watch them cook things that I know aren’t good for me but I’m also excited because last time I ate there I completely failed and only had like 3 bites of food before I said I was ‘full’ and I know I’ll do better this time
- I had a test this morning that was just unnecessarily hard and I have two more tomorrow that I just DO NOT want to study for :(
- I just had half a bag of popcorn because it sounded good…but I’m still hungry
- I want to make food but my roommate is making food right now and I feel rude taking up the kitchen
- My roommate is also on the back porch smoking weed while she studys???
- I really just want to lay in bed and watch an entire season of either Gilmore Girls or One Tree Hill
- I got Vince a really good present I’m so excited to give it to him!!!