I’m so jealous of you all and your cold weather…it’s like in the 90’s here -_-
YAY I slept through tumblr being down!
Oh and I’m feeling better about everything today…I told Vince about everything last night because well, he could tell something was wrong because anxiety attacks = I become silent and mope. But I woke up this morning and Vince was like “come on, I’ll help you find something to eat.” So I had mini wheats with fruit in the middle (scary cereal for me) and a banana for breakfast. When Vince gets home from the gym we are going out for lunch (AND COFFEE PLEASE) so hopefully Panera, I mean yes panera because obvi he’s going to let me pick lol, and then picking up a few things at the store for snacks for me. One meal will not kill me. I can do this. I NEED to do this. :)
I just found out my boyfriends mom is making ribs and cheeseburgers for dinner tomorrow and I just want to cry because I know I’m going to have an anxiety attack tonight/tomorrow.
My biggest fears: dark meat & others cooking for me (especially a few certain people including his mom…) :(
I’m such a lameo but I’m scared to go to the real gym because I feel like people are going to make fun of me for not knowing what I’m doing/being really weak :(
I have a free membership at my schools gym AND at the YMCA but I’m considering going to another gym cuz I know too many people at those two…that’s so stupid though considering that’s a huge waste of money! BUT I can’t keep going to my mini neighborhood gym because they only have 2, 3, and 10 pound dumbbells and that’s just not working out lol…
Ugh WHY MUST I BE SO AWKWARD!
It’s a new month to be a whole new me! I’m so excited because this is the first time I’ll be entering into a month in FOREVER completely optimistic and ready for freedom! SO I’m making some goals for myself this month:
- Try something new each week (food wise duh!)
- Gain 2-5 pounds (a month isn’t that long lol)
- Start working out in the real gym (4 day split)
- Attempt to get back into yoga (but watch out for obsessiveness)
- Completely stop counting calories-practice intuitive eating everyday!
- STOP BUYING CLOTHES-unless necessary of course!
- Make a friend in my classes :)
I definitely think I can handle these :) YAAA BUDDY BECOMING THE BEST ME POSSIBLE!
So far today I have eaten:
- Banana Protein Pancakes with syrup and greek yogurt
- Coffee with creamer
- 2 slices Cinnamon Raisin Ezekiel with white chocolate wonderful pb and honey drizzled on top
- Large glass of almond milk
- Fiber One cereal with strawberries and almond milk
I have not measured one single thing, instead I have just eaten something every 2 hours. I know I need to eat more than I have been and I know that counting is probably the best way to do this, but I don’t want to satisfy my eating disorder any longer, even at all. I will just eat more than I think I need and leave it at that. I have class at 6 tonight so I am planning on having one more snack before class and then having a big dinner after I get home!
Today I will go to bed without a single IDEA of how much I ate :)
I had a dream last night that I got a salad from the salad bar at whole foods and now I’m super depressed that I can’t have one…
I feel so sick like crampy/nauseous/headaches/EVERYTHING WRONG=super symptoms of a period but I looked up stuff about my birth control and it like PREVENTS PERIODS WTF so now I’m also pissed because I won’t know if I get my period -_-
I have phonetics hw to do before I go to the YMCA to work (call people for 4 hours ugh) but I’m not in the mood at all especially since I skipped class yesterday and am thoroughly confused
I just made fantastic protein pancakes and I’m annoyed that I didn’t take a picture of them so that means I’ll be having them in the very near future in order to post a picture/recipe
My teacher won’t grade my damn A/P test and I’m SO NERVOUS ABOUT IT
I was thinking…if I could memorize muscles/bones like I can memorize nutrition facts I’d be a freaking beast at anatomy -_-
I think that’s it…
This is mainly for me to make sure I do everything lol
In like a week and a half, Vince is going to start teaching me how to work out! I’m going to have 4 days of weight training (arms, chest, back/shoulders, legs) & 1 day of cardio/abs!
I’M SO EXCITED!
it would mean the world to me if you guys could help out :)
100% on my first paper of the semester followed by another 100% on my first quiz!
Yayyy for having no life and studying all the time :)
Boyfriend brought me a blenderrrrrrrrrrr=protein shake for breakfast tomorrow!!!
Idk why I’m so excited about this lmao I thought I hated liquid calories??? Hmm…
1 never ending cup of coffee
1 cute male to clean my room for me
1 clear mind to allow myself to lay in bed and read all day :)